Professionalism.guideA practical framework for working well with others

Working with others

How to handle an aggressive client or colleague

Someone is raising their voice, making demands, or attacking you personally. This guide helps you read the situation, hold a boundary, find the real problem, and end the exchange if it cannot continue.

15 topics · 84 min · Press play to listen in order, or read any topic.

Awareness

0:00 —

Your listening position is saved on this device.

Read the topic?

Audio is playing. Open the topic in a new tab to keep listening, or pause and read here.

Read in a new tab ↗

Phase 1 · 5 topics · 28 min

Read the situation and steady yourself

Before you respond, work out what you are dealing with. You cannot calm someone else while matching their tone.

  1. Notice everything being communicated beyond the words: posture, volume, distance. These tell you how far things have gone.

    5:35 Read

  2. Learn the signs of anger that is being held in, so you can respond before it breaks out.

    5:07 Read

  3. Consider what pressure the other person is under. Overwork and fear explain a great deal of bad behavior without excusing it.

    5:50 Read

  4. Understand how a discussion tips into conflict when people become defensive. Seeing the pattern helps you avoid feeding it.

    5:27 Read

  5. Bring your own reaction under control first. A calm voice is the most effective tool you have.

    5:59 Read

Your taskBefore continuing, be able to name the signs that a conversation is turning hostile, and what you do to settle yourself.

Phase 2 · 6 topics · 34 min

Set a boundary and find the real problem

Say what you will and will not accept. Then, if the conversation can continue, look for the grievance underneath the aggression.

  1. Name the behavior and state the limit plainly: you will continue the conversation, but not while being shouted at.

    5:44 Read

  2. Set the boundary in a way that leaves them room to step back. Cornering an angry person makes them angrier.

    5:24 Read

  3. Ask what has gone wrong for them. A specific question moves the conversation from attack to information.

    5:24 Read

  4. Say their complaint back to them. Being accurately heard is often what an angry person wanted in the first place.

    5:53 Read

  5. Recognize that while someone is flooded with emotion, they cannot take in your reasoning. Deal with the feeling first.

    5:44 Read

  6. Offer something you can actually deliver that addresses the real problem. Do not promise the impossible to end the scene.

    5:33 Read

Your taskBefore continuing, write the sentence you will use to set a boundary without raising your own voice.

Phase 3 · 4 topics · 22 min

End it when you need to, and follow up

Some exchanges cannot be rescued in the moment. Ending one properly is a professional act.

  1. If you are given an ultimatum, do not answer it on its terms. De-escalate and bring the conversation back to what each side needs.

    5:38 Read

  2. Know when to stop. Leaving a conversation that has become abusive, and saying you will resume later, is sometimes the right decision.

    5:06 Read

  3. Bring in someone who can calm things down when you cannot do it yourself. Asking for help is not a failure.

    5:52 Read

  4. Write down what happened and what was agreed, and send it to the people who need it. A record protects everyone involved.

    5:51 Read

Your taskFinish by recording what happened and what was agreed, and by telling whoever needs to know.