Consideration

If we were to look for a single unified rule to help us live and work harmoniously with others, we would have to look no further than the Golden Rule, often phrased as, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If we were to distill the Golden Rule down to its essence, we might end up with something like "Be considerate of others."

We can think of consideration as being made up of three groups of behaviors: being polite, being thoughtful, and being kind. Therefore, if our goal is to work harmoniously with others, we should try to find ways to be polite, thoughtful, and kind towards the people we work with.

Politeness can be thought of as a set of formal rules that we learned when we were children, as our family and teachers prepared us to integrate into society. These rules include saying, "Please," "Thank you," "Good morning," and "Have a nice day." They also include wishing someone safe travels, congratulating someone on an accomplishment, and acknowledging an anniversary. Every society is different, but the rules of politeness are generally well understood, and it's only a question of whether we choose to abide by these rules or not. In our personal lives, being polite is a personal choice, but in the workplace, politeness is considered an integral part of being a professional.

For example, imagine you were late in showing up for a meeting. As a professional, the polite thing to do is to apologize for being late. Imagine your colleague just got a promotion - the polite thing to do is to congratulate them on their achievement. If you were to ask for an extension to a deadline, and that extension was granted, the polite response is to say, "Thank you."

Interestingly, in the professional world, "please" is often misused to punctuate a statement in a manner that borders on passive-aggression. For example, saying, "Will you please get me that report by Friday," or, "Please show up to future meetings on time," or "Please stop using your phone during presentations," comes across more harshly than, "Will you be able to get me the report by Friday?" or, "Can you target showing up to meetings five minutes early?" or, "Would it be alright if we put away our phones during presentations?" "Please" has an odd place in professional communication, in that theoretically we should use it as often as we can when making requests, but in practice, it is often more polite to avoid using, "Please," and to ask a question instead.

Where politeness is generally a set of well-understood societal rules, things are a little less clear when we attempt to be considerate by being thoughtful. The good news is, in the professional world there are many rules that generally fall in the realm of thoughtfulness, the bad news is, these rules are less understood, especially for people at the start of their careers.

For example, if ever we are going to be late with anything, whether it is being late getting into work, being late for a meeting, or being late in meeting a deadline, the general rule is that as soon as you are aware that you will be late, you should let someone know.

If you are stuck in traffic, as soon as you realize you will be late arriving at work, you should let your manager know and provide an estimate for when you will arrive. This is so that your manager can answer questions if your colleagues or their manager inquires as to where you are. If you know you are going to be late to a meeting, contact the meeting organizer and let them know you will be a few minutes late so that they know to start the meeting without you. Once you realize you are going to miss a deadline, let the affected people know, explain the situation that has resulted in you being late, and provide a new estimate for when you will be done. This allows people to adjust timelines and manage the expectations of anyone who was depending on your work being done by a specific time.

This type of thoughtfulness goes by another name: "Professional Courtesy," and is the hallmark of a seasoned professional. While there are countless aspects to what people might consider professional courtesy, they all share the common theme of being thoughtful about how your actions will impact the people you work with.

Where politeness is following a well-understood set of societal rules, and thoughtfulness in the workplace follows the less well understood rules of professional courtesy, when considering how to be kind there are no rules.

Generally, most people would consider it kind to help a colleague when they need help, or to do someone a favor when they ask, or to support someone when they are in need of support, but there are no rules or guidelines that specify what words should be said or what actions should be performed in the pursuit of being kind. What we can say, however, is that whether or not you are kind towards your colleagues is an important aspect of your professional reputation.

Everyone is free to craft their professional reputation in any way they like. There are professionals who want to be known as being tough, assertive, and uncompromising, so they conduct themselves in such a way that tends to omit acts of kindness. There are also professionals who want to be known as being supportive, patient, and considerate, who tend to incorporate being kind into how they treat their colleagues. Many people consider these to represent two different career paths, where being tough, assertive, and uncompromising are traits of a leader, whereas being supportive, patient, and considerate are traits of being a team player.

If there were only two types of professional reputations, we would be forced to pick which career path to take: being known as a leader or as a team player. The fact is, however, that the traits of being tough, assertive, uncompromising, supportive, patient, and considerate are not mutually exclusive, and that the best leaders are also team players, and the best team players are those who are also capable of leading. Therefore, being kind is not a career-limiting characteristic, but just one aspect of how you would like to be regarded by your colleagues. People want to follow leaders who can be tough when they have to be, and kind when they need to be. These concepts are complementary, and one does not have to be sacrificed for the sake of the other.