Presence

To truly listen to what someone is saying requires more than just being physically present, we must be mentally present as well. Being present requires that we push any distractions out of our mind, focus exclusively on the other person, and devote our entire attention to fully understanding everything someone is trying to say.

To become fully immersed in the process of listening we must focus to understand not just every word, but how each word is being said, and the context under which it is being said, so that we can absorb nuanced meanings that are often hidden in plain sight.

This state of listening, where we are fully present while listening to someone speak, is as simple as it can seem impossible. Simply stated, to be a good listener, do not allow yourself to become distracted and stay focused on the person speaking. Where this can seem impossible is we are surrounded by distractions. Our text messages and social media notifications are a constant drain on our focus, and worrying events in the news can pull us out of the here-and-now.

When our favorite person is speaking about our favorite topic, being present in the conversation happens naturally, and requires practically no effort on your part. Everything they say is interesting, engaging, and captivating, and there is no place you would rather be.

In a professional setting, however, the average conversation, meeting, or presentation may not seem interesting enough to hold your attention for very long. All too often, a typical business meeting has one person talking, a few people barely paying attention, and everyone else fully checked out, with some of them even playing on their phones in plain view of the person speaking.

For most of human history, the most powerful signal that you were not listening was to physically turn your back to someone, perhaps while also covering your ears, and perhaps even closing your eyes. Today, we have invented a new way to signal we are not listening, and that is taking out our phones and staring at them instead of looking at the speaker.

Listening at its most remedial level, its most basic concept, its most fundamental requirement, is for you to be paying attention to the person speaking. Yet, to the vast majority of people in the modern world, this very simple courtesy is often overlooked.

Outside of a professional work environment, paying attention to your phone instead of the person speaking is a personal choice. Perhaps when a friend is saying something you don't find interesting, staring at your phone is a more polite way to signal to them that you are bored. Within a professional work environment, however, paying attention to your phone when someone else is speaking to you is entirely unacceptable behavior, and can have a long-lasting negative impact on your career.

To be a professional requires that we behave professionally, and the habit of staring at your phone instead of the speaker is the antithesis of professionalism. In other words, if you habitually stare at your phone instead of the speaker in a professional work environment, you are not a professional.

The average professional meeting typically lasts for one hour. Depending on the structure of the meeting, it can begin with a presentation followed by questions or be a roundtable discussion. Sometimes meeting agendas are rigid, sometimes they are organic. Sometimes responses are expected to be carefully rehearsed as in the case of a status update, sometimes they are expected to be improvised as in the case of brainstorming. No matter the structure, the one constant tends to be the length: business meetings are typically one hour long. To be a professional, therefore, requires that you not look at your phone for one hour.

A few decades ago, smoking at your desk was acceptable professional behavior. Lighting a cigarette and having a smoke while typing away at a report was considered normal and depending on workplace culture, even expected. As time went on, people realized that second-hand smoke was full of carcinogens, and was therefore potentially deadly to the people around you. Companies then enforced government mandates that if there was to be any smoking in the workplace, it must be done outside. To accommodate people addicted to smoking, 15-minute smoke-breaks were introduced periodically throughout the workday, so that people could get their dose of nicotine and return to work undistracted by their cravings.

To ask someone to not take out their phone, even for a quick glance, for the entirety of a 1-hour business meeting, can be like asking someone addicted to nicotine to not take a smoke-break, and then expecting them to pay attention while their cravings are telling them to smoke instead of paying attention.

If you find yourself craving your phone during a 1-hour meeting to the point where you can no longer focus, consider taking a digital smoke-break. Before the meeting, take a few minutes to get your fill of social media, games, photos, and videos, and then commit to focusing exclusively on the meeting for the full hour.

While in the meeting, look at the presenter, pay attention to what they are saying, and be present in the moment. Let your mind lock-on to the topic, become engrossed in what is being said, and soak in all of the information being presented, no matter how mundane it might seem on the surface.

While in a conversation, be it one-on-one or within a small group, engage deeply with your peers. Ask questions about what they are saying, ponder alternatives to problems, and think creatively to find solutions. Collaborate as if this moment, right now, is the most important thing that you should be doing, because as a professional, it very much is.

The job of a professional is to work with your peers towards a common goal. Working with your peers requires that you listen to your peers, and the first and most fundamental step to listening is to be present in the moment, such that you are undistracted, fully engrossed, and totally engaged in whatever is being discussed.