Relationships

Having a good professional relationship with the people you interact with ensures fluid communication, fosters mutual understanding, and makes the process of reaching mutually beneficial agreements much easier.

Starting a professional relationship requires two steps: an introduction, and a conversation.

Introductions are optimally made by a third party that knows you and the person you are being introduced to, but you can also walk up to a total stranger and politely introduce yourself. This is no more complicated than saying, "Hi, my name is Sam, how are you?" or, "Hello, I wanted to introduce myself, my name is Sam. What's your name?" or, "How's it going? I'm Sam - what brings you here today?"

While introducing yourself to a total stranger might seem awkward, it's a very common way that new business relationships are formed. This is especially true at networking events where there is an expectation that people will be introducing themselves to people they don't know.

Introducing yourself with a handshake, a smile, and a positive attitude all go a long way towards making a good first impression with someone you just met, and by following your introduction immediately with a question, you can now begin a conversation.

What exactly the conversation is about is up to you, but a general formula is to start with simpler, lighthearted topics unrelated to work, before jumping into more serious, challenging topics directly related to work. This is more of a guideline than a rule, but sounds something like:

"How's your day going so far?"

"How do you like this weather we're having?"

"Have you seen any good movies or TV shows lately?"

"Do you have any exciting plans for the upcoming weekend?"

"What do you do for work?"

This is called making small talk and is a skill that takes quite a bit of courage to attempt if you've never done it before, and takes quite a lot of practice to master. The key is not to get discouraged if someone doesn't want to talk to you, as there are millions of people in the world that would love to make your acquaintance - you just happened to find one that doesn't.

The goal of small talk is to simply start a conversation, and to keep it going. This is where having a variety of personal interests comes in very handy, such as sports, history, movies, TV, music, or really anything that people generally like to talk about. You should always steer clear of controversial topics such as politics or religion, but just about any other topic that keeps the conversation flowing is fair game.

Once people become more comfortable, the conversation should become more fluid, making it easier to transition into topics of mutual professional interest.

For example, if you are a medical doctor having a conversation with another medical doctor, you might start by talking about the weather, plans for the weekend, and upcoming vacation ideas, and then smoothly transition into talking about a new experimental medical procedure, newly approved medications, or upcoming changes to healthcare regulation. Whatever specific topics you choose, your goal is to shift from small talk to professional topics so smoothly that the other person barely notices. The smoother you can make these transitions, the better a conversationalist you will be.

As the conversation progresses, your goal should be to get to know the other person, and for them to get to know you. This will eventually lead to both of you having a good rapport, which is to say, a mutual understanding of what each person is interested in, what they are looking for, and what concerns they have or what challenges they are facing. Once you have established a rapport with someone, you will then have a professional relationship that will make it easier to do business with them in the future.

The more professional relationships you have, the larger your professional network will be. It is not impossible to have hundreds or even thousands of people in your professional network over the course of a long enough career, but it is important to remember to nurture these relationships so that the only time someone hears from you is not when you need something.

For example, if you met someone 10 years ago, but hadn't talked to them since, and then called them to ask them to help you schedule a meeting with their company, you should not be surprised if they ignore you. In this case, it would be more accurate to say that you once had a business relationship with someone, but that relationship has since gone stale.

The main reason that business relationships go stale is that you failed to stay in touch, which is to say, you did not stay in regular contact with someone. Decades ago, staying in touch required that you travel to someone's city, and schedule coffee, lunch, or dinner with them. Today, our devices make it so easy to send someone a text, write an email, or give someone a call, that nurturing business relationships over time takes hardly any effort. At a minimum, you should contact someone for their birthday - provided you know when it is - or during holidays to let them know you're thinking of them. Then, when you do need their help with a business matter, it will at least not seem like you only know them when you need them.

Though texts, emails, and phone or video calls do help keep a relationship alive, there is no substitute for meeting someone in person. Whenever you have a chance, you should meet people in person for coffee, lunch, or dinner, especially when you are traveling to their location, or you learn that they are traveling to yours. For example, if you learn on social media that a former colleague is visiting your city, you should reach out to them and offer to take them to lunch. Over lunch, there's really no reason to talk about business - small talk may be all that's necessary.

The purpose of meeting in person is to make a human connection with someone, rather than one that's purely digital. If a time comes where you really do need their help for a business matter, you'll find them much more willing to do a favor for someone they just had lunch with, than for someone who only sends them the occasional holiday text message.