Impressions

As we develop a deeper awareness and appreciation of nonverbal communication, the topic of first impressions suddenly now becomes much more important. The saying, "You only get one chance to make a first impression," is a reminder that when two people meet for the first time, they are judging each other primarily on what they are communicating nonverbally long before a single word is spoken.

Your impression of someone begins before they say anything at all. How are they dressed? How are they groomed? How are they standing? These are just a few of the questions that we ask ourselves seconds after seeing someone. Based on that snap judgment, our impression of a person forms, and from that moment forward it colors every interaction we have with them until that impression changes.

One of the many advantages of a professional appearance is you have normalized first impressions to something that everyone in your profession has agreed is acceptable. This takes away a lot of pressure related to making a good impression, but there's a limit to what a professional appearance can do for you.

For example, let's take someone freshly minted from one of the world's top MBA programs and follow them around on the impressions they make on their first day at their new job at one of the world's largest multinational financial firms. Before we do, let's make a tiny change to their nonverbals, and add a tattoo on their face. What impression is our new and hopeful employee now making with the people they meet?

When you consider what impression you are giving people, you must ask yourself a critical question: What impression am I giving, and is it the impression I want to give?

If you are a celebrity in the music industry, a facial tattoo is not only acceptable, it's practically expected. If you wanted to give the impression that you were cool and edgy, you probably succeeded.

If you wanted to be a financial analyst at one of the world's largest banks, your facial tattoo would also be communicating that you are cool and edgy, but these are two words not normally associated with bankers. The question then is, is this the impression you want to give?

When it comes to physical appearance, facial tattoos cannot be easily changed, but thankfully with a change of clothes and hair style, the impression you make can change radically to whatever you want it to be. One only has to look in a fashion magazine, runway show, or red-carpet event to show just how radically hair and clothes can change someone's appearance.

Beyond your hair and clothes, how you hold your body can give radically different impressions, particularly when it comes to projecting confidence.

When we are trying to make a good first impression, we want to appear confident, as people want to interact with - and consequently do business with - confident people.

To understand how to hold your body in such a way as to appear confident, it is useful to examine two rather absurd extremes. The first is a super-hero pose, and the second is that of a child who just dropped a plate full of food at a restaurant.

To hold your body like a super-hero: stand up straight, pull your shoulders back, raise your chin slightly, turn your head to the side and fix your eyes on something in the distance a little above your eyeline, put both hands on your waist with your thumbs pointed backwards, and spread your feet shoulder-width apart. Now squint your eyes slightly and give a big smile. For extra credit, raise an eyebrow.

Now, all you need is a costume and a cape.

To hold your body like a child who just dropped a plate of food at a restaurant: Stand with your feet touching, put both hands to your side, and hide your thumbs in closed fists, drop your shoulders as far as they will go, and hang your head low until your chin practically touches your chest. Now turn down the corners of your mouth, raise your eyebrows only in the middle, and stare straight at the ground.

Yes, you are in trouble.

These are the two extremes of giving the impression of confidence with your body language. If you gave the child a superhero costume, or put a broken plate of spilled food at the feet of the person in the superhero pose, it wouldn't matter: The impression of the body language would be more powerful than anything else.

As a general rule, when we feel confident, we make ourselves bigger; when we don't feel confident, we make ourselves smaller. Overconfident body language is sometimes called, "Spreading," where unconfident body language is sometimes called, "Turtling."

In the real world, the appropriate amount of confidence to display exists at the end of the spectrum closer to the superhero, but never to that extreme. Hands on the hips and legs spread apart are an extreme show of confidence, so it's best not to go that far. For just about every situation you'll encounter in the business world, making eye contact with the person you're meeting and offering a smile and a handshake will usually do the job.

Incidentally, just in case you were in a meeting and wanted to give the impression that you were a supervillain: sit in your chair leaned forward with your elbows on the table. Now steeple your fingers such that the tips are touching, and the thumbs and index fingers form a triangle. Now tap your fingers together in a sequence. Now lower your head slightly, and stare over your steepled fingers straight at whoever your arch-nemesis is, never blinking or breaking eye contact. For extra credit, give a sinister grin. Now you only have to wait until security is called to escort you out of the building.

Interestingly, even the tiniest changes in body language can change the impression you are giving. For example, assume the superhero pose from earlier, but make a very slight change. Instead of your hands being on your hips with your thumbs pointed back, now put them on your hips with your thumbs pointed forward. Give yourself a look in a mirror, and you'll see that the slight change in thumb position changed you from confident to curious.

People judging others on their first impression is a fact of life, but you have significant influence on how you appear. Whatever impression you give - be it superhero, supervillain, or consummate confident business professional - always be sure that it's the impression you want to give.