Anomalies

Whenever we are attempting to read someone's body language, we must pay extremely close attention to whenever their body language changes - which is to say, whenever their body language deviates from their normal baseline state. These deviations can be thought of as anomalies in their body language, as they are deviations from the norm.

If we were to try to read someone's body language from a still photo, we would not learn very much, as we don't know the circumstances that led them to position their body the way they have. Maybe they are really happy and jumping for joy - or maybe they were just told to perform for the camera.

When speaking to someone in person, however, changes in body language often indicate that something has changed in the way someone feels. You won't know exactly what their feelings were, or what their feelings have changed to, but assuming there were no external stimuli - like being poked with a pointy stick - a change in body language means something has affected them.

To detect when someone's body language changes from their baseline state, we must first establish a baseline of what their normal body language looks like. To do this, you must observe them in a neutral state where they are relaxed and comfortable. To get them into a neutral state, however, tends to require a bit of patience.

Consider an interview, where the interviewee sits down and is immediately bombarded with questions. If their body language changes with each question, you would have no idea what their baseline body language is, making it much more difficult to interpret their reaction after each question is asked. For example, if they are asked a hard question, and they seem twitchy, jumpy, or nervous - maybe it's because they found the question difficult, or maybe they drank too much coffee before the interview.

Rather than assault the interviewee with questions, it would be better to spend the time it takes at the start of an interview to make sure the interviewee is calm, relaxed, and comfortable. Considering how stressful interviews are for the interviewee, it might take up to half an hour to calm someone down, but this has two benefits: First, it allows you to observe their baseline body language when they are in a calm and neutral state; and second, people are much better at memory and recall when they are relaxed, so you will get a more accurate understanding of their actual knowledge.

To get someone who is stressed out to relax, you can try having a conversation about something they find positive. This could be talking about the weather, movies, music, family, pets, hobbies, interests, or anything else that is clearly not a challenge or part of an interrogation.

As time goes on, you should see their body start to relax, and they may begin mirroring your body language. If you are sitting leaning back in a chair with your legs crossed with your hands in plain view, you may find that as they become more relaxed they also lean back in their chair, cross their legs, and also put their hands in plain view.

Note that people tend to be more comfortable when they see other people's hands, so as you are attempting to get someone else to relax, don't put your hands under the table or in your pockets.

When someone is mirroring someone else's body language, they are signaling that they are on the same wavelength, on the same page, and thinking similarly to how the other person is thinking. Mirroring happens unconsciously, but when you notice it, you may find yourself having a bit of fun as you stretch, and then watch them stretch, or you take a deep breath, and then watch them take a deep breath. As a bonus, getting someone to mirror your deep breathing has the effect of further calming them down.

Once you observe them in a neutral, relaxed state, take note of their body language. Do they normally sit cross-legged, with both hands clasped together on their knee? Do they normally lean back with legs spread, with one hand over the back of their chair, and the other hand on the armrest? Do they normally stare off into the distance when they are thinking, or do they close their eyes and concentrate?

Whatever they do naturally when they are comfortable in a neutral stress-free environment, that is their baseline body language. Now, as you proceed in the conversation or with asking questions, take careful note of any changes in their body language - no matter how small. Further, take particular note of their body language the instant after something is said or asked, as that first flash of body language that happens in the blink of an eye tends to be the most important, as it is the reaction they give that is beyond their control.

Our brain's limbic system takes control over our bodies when we feel threatened in any way, and gives us our instinctive freeze, flight, or fight reactions. When we feel uncomfortable or under threat, our limbic system tells us to freeze in place in an attempt not to be noticed. If we are noticed, it then pushes us to run away from danger. If we can't run, our limbic system prepares us to fight.

There is no one part of the body that reacts to a freeze, flight, or fight reaction - the whole body reacts together, even if the reaction is very quick and barely noticeable. When you say something or ask a question, and they suddenly stop moving, or seem to prepare to run, or seem to be ready to fight - even if they regain composure a second later, you know that something made them feel uncomfortable or threatened. Depending on your intention, you can decide to back off or press forward. If you press forward, pay close attention to whenever what you say triggers a change in their body language.

The reality is, even if we do identify a topic or question that triggers a change in someone's body language, we still don't know what they are thinking. All we can do is observe how they were affected by what was said, and try to make educated guesses as to what might have caused their body language to change.