Rejection

People can reject people, things, or ideas; and when they do, their nonverbals tend to make it clear.

When we reject someone or something, we react as if we are being presented with something we dislike, such as a plate of food that we find horrible and disgusting.

Generally, if we don't like something, we don't want to look at it. We will tend to look away, block our eyes with our hands, squint, or most infamously, roll our eyes.

Even if what we are rejecting doesn't have a smell, our noses will tend to wrinkle in disgust. Our torso and legs turn away, as if we are ready to walk or run away. We raise our arm with our palms facing forwards, as if we are ready to push whatever it is away or at least prevent it from getting closer. If we are able, we may turn our backs entirely, as we might at a party when we see someone we dislike, which gives rise to the expression, "Turning our backs on someone" - perhaps the most extreme form of nonverbal rejection there is.

Receiving some or all of the nonverbals of rejection can be devastating in a social situation, especially when you are trying to make a new contact or friend. Regardless, it is information that you should consider when making your next move. If someone has looked at you, rolled their eyes, and turned their back, perhaps now is not the best time to approach them. Frankly, with such strong nonverbals of rejection, it is perhaps best to move on entirely to someone else.

It's always hurtful when we get any type of social rejection, but it's better to know than to not know, so as to not create more opportunities to be hurt, such as attempting to walk up and introduce yourself, only to get a rude verbal rejection that adds insult to the injury of the nonverbal rejection.

In the professional world, being able to detect the nonverbals of rejection is particularly useful when presenting a proposal of any sort. Whether pitching to an investor about a startup; proposing a change in policy, process, or procedure at your company; or attempting to sell a product to a customer; knowing when people are starting to reject what you are saying is critically important so that you can make adjustments.

At the start of making any sort of proposal, you should create a snapshot of everyone's nonverbals in your mind. Note how everyone is holding their bodies while sitting or standing, their facial expression, their arms and hand positions, and any other nonverbal indicator that you notice.

It is always important to pay close attention to the nonverbals immediately after people see whatever they might be rejecting, as their sudden shock of realization can give you a second or two of true honesty, before they compose themselves and reset their body language.

For example, if you were proposing a budget for a new initiative, and when you switched to the slide with the actual budget number, you noticed that people immediately wrinkle their noses, lean away from you, while closing or squinting their eyes, then it's a good bet that they don't think that your budget is reasonable.

You might test the theory that they are rejecting the budget number being too high by saying, "I would like to note that these numbers are preliminary, and have a lot of contingency built into them for worst-case scenarios. Our realistic expectation would be that the actual figure would be much lower, but we wanted to be conservative to make sure we could account for unforeseen circumstances."

As you deliver that new information to your audience, gauge their reactions again. Did the people who leaned back now return upright? Are the people who angled their bodies away now angling their bodies back towards you? Did eyes that had closed or squinted before now remain open? Is the nose wrinkling gone?

As you continue the pitch, also look for signs of acceptance. Are people leaning in towards you, making eye contact, and perhaps giving a slight nod of approval?

Dialing your presentation to the nonverbals you are getting from a silent audience is an advanced communication skill, but can be the difference between a successful pitch, and an abject failure. This is a very difficult skill to master, especially if you have the habit of glancing at new slides as you are presenting, causing you to briefly take your eyes off the audience every time they are presented with new information.

As the nonverbals of rejection can happen very quickly, the same few seconds you might spend familiarizing yourself with the next slide are the same few seconds where you would be getting the most accurate read of your audience. If you have this habit, try to break it by memorizing your presentation to the point where you don't need to glance at a new slide to know where you are, and instead when you switch a slide spend the seconds immediately after the switch gauging your audience's reaction.

As most people have not mastered the skill of presenting while adjusting their messaging to match the nonverbals of the audience, it can be extremely helpful to present with a partner, even if that partner is mostly silent for the entire presentation. The job of your partner is to study the nonverbals of the room, and if necessary smoothly interrupt you to get the audience back on track. To make this seamless, such that the audience is not aware of what is going on, requires practice, otherwise, it will be obvious that every time you present a slide they don't like, only then does your partner speak up.

Still, there are situations where having a pitching partner can be crucial, such as when you are presenting complex information that requires your full concentration, such that it would be too distracting for you to also keep track of the nonverbals of your audience, as well as give a good presentation.

This is why sales teams often pitch as a team, so that while one person is presenting, others can read the room, and provide polite interjections to tune the messaging such that the audience stays engaged, and any nonverbal signs of rejection can immediately be addressed.

Socially, rejection can be devastating, but professionally, noticing rejection can be the difference between making a sale and not making a sale; getting a budget approved or not getting it approved; as well as giving you the insight you need to identify and address little issues before they become bigger problems.